around the bend



                                       

Starting Over without my father began a year ago yesterday. Liza’s Starting Over without her mom will be two months tomorrow. Just before we left Tennessee, Liza captured this image. It is impossible to know what is just around the bend.

There were times during my grief that I no longer cared what was around the bend for me. In fact, it frightened me because I knew it could be more loss and pain.

As I try now with some perspective to make some sense of it all, I have begun to understand that it is only the fearless moving ahead, the bold task of acceptance that will heal us.

People say, “Time heals”. It is true. Not because you forget the person, learn to do without them, or will ever forget the gut wrenching pain of their leaving. It is because, with time, I have accepted the fact they are gone. And there is nothing to be done about it. Nothing I can do.

So I put one foot in front of the other, understanding that only the Universe can control what is just around the bend. I can only decide to expect happiness again, to prepare for joy instead of fearing the out-of-my-control.

So today I will prepare for joy. And soon, with a passion for living and with childlike anticipation, I will again be able to embrace whatever is meant for me just around the bend.

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4 Responses to around the bend

  1. ybonesy says:

    I’ve been watching my dad get old and feeble. The tremor in his hand is getting bad. I can tell my mom is worried. Your post makes me realize that losing a parent affects a child profoundly and my knowledge of that fact, despite that I still have mine, is what accounts for the sadness I’m feeling now knowing what lay ahead.

  2. rhosie says:

    I feel the same way too, the pain of loosing someone important to you.Knowing that person will never com back anymore. Missing the presence of that person you love, feels like your heart wanting to explode.
    Thats exactly what i felt when my grandmother died, and up to know moving on is very hard. My heart is longing for her, i missed everything about her.Every night i still cry wishing she is still here.I agree it takes time to heal.But one thing i realized after her death that life is too short, dont be waste your time to appreciate your loveones presence while their still alive.Shower them with love and care.Who knows what will happen for tommorow.But i believe they gone only physically but their soul still watching over us and guiding us.

  3. anitamorrell says:

    QM,
    Sorry to make you sad. I have used this blog shamelessly as a way to purge myself of little bits of grief along the way. (Actually using the writing as therapy.) Loosing a parent (that you deeply love) is impossible to prepare for… just don’t leave any love unshown or questions unasked.

    Rhosie,
    “Shower them with love and care”… you are so right. Thanks to you both for your thoughtful and sensitive comments.

  4. rhosie says:

    Anitamorrell,

    Thanks to your blog, i’ve been inspired with the thoughts you wrote. I guess grieving pain will much lessen knowing how other people struggle. Learning from their views and perspective it helps. Thanks……. My blogs also is my one way of bursting my emotion…… this is my online diary…. Hope we could be frens…..
    God Bless you…….

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