I awakened this morning with a pleasant but odd feeling. The sun was shining and Johnny Wood, local TV weatherguy, announced that we were in store for a balmy day in the high fifties. I had the distinct feeling that I have been in a long tormented sleep and now I was, for the first time in 8 months, really awake. Really alive.
Instead of trying to figure out what to do with my day (A.D.D. behavior… see 1st blog), I am feeling much more B.D.D. and am thinking of all of the possibilities for my day. Am I really starting to get over the loss of my Dad? I know I never will. But I do feel lighter today, without that sad blanket of pain. More a tender soreness than a totally shattered heart.
So today I will try to live in gratitude for a Universe that heals. I do have much to be thankful for: a partner that has supported me through 23 adventurous years, a loving family and special friends, now having free time, and relatively good health.
My “starting over” artist self is very grateful for my girlfriend (GF). I have known GF since shortly after college days when I was already corporately entrenched and she was… well I don’t really remember what she did during the day, but she was and still is a very free spirit. I do remember evenings filled with youthful hilarity and lots of scotch. I admired her enthusiasm for life and I still do.
Over the years, we stayed loosely in touch until about 6 years ago. We happened to be passing through her town on one of our road trips and decided to give her a visit. It was pleasant, reconnecting with her and her delightful partner. It was as if no time had passed since our last communication. Some friends are just like that, aren’t they?
GF has helped me have the guts to consider the longings of my artist self. She has a way of cutting through the whining and excuses with her xray vision and pulling from me a voice I sometimes could not (or would not) hear for myself. She squeals with joy at my every artist attempt. Her encouragement is priceless. And I know should I fall back into an extended sleep she will be right there pinching me to awaken once again.