Sleeping for 8 Months

I awakened this morning with a pleasant but odd feeling. The sun was shining and Johnny Wood, local TV weatherguy, announced that we were in store for a balmy day in the high fifties. I had the distinct feeling that I have been in a long tormented sleep and now I was, for the first time in 8 months, really awake. Really alive.

Instead of trying to figure out what to do with my day (A.D.D. behavior… see 1st blog), I am feeling much more B.D.D. and am thinking of all of the possibilities for my day.  Am I really starting to get over the loss of my Dad?  I know I never will. But I do feel lighter today, without that sad blanket of pain. More a tender soreness than a totally shattered heart.

So today I will try to live in gratitude for a Universe that heals.  I do have much to be thankful for: a partner that has supported me through 23 adventurous years, a loving family and special friends, now having free time, and relatively good health. 

My “starting over” artist self is very grateful for my girlfriend (GF).  I have known GF since shortly after college days when I was already corporately entrenched and she was… well I don’t really remember what she did during the day, but she was and still is a very free spirit.  I do remember evenings filled with youthful hilarity and lots of scotch.  I admired her enthusiasm for life and I still do.

Over the years, we stayed loosely in touch until about 6 years ago.  We happened to be passing through her town on one of our road trips and decided to give her a visit. It was pleasant, reconnecting with her and her delightful partner.  It was as if no time had passed since our last communication. Some friends are just like that, aren’t they?

GF has helped me have the guts to consider the longings of my artist self. She has a way of cutting through the whining and excuses with her xray vision and pulling from me a voice I sometimes could not (or would not) hear for myself.  She squeals with joy at my every artist attempt.  Her encouragement is priceless. And I know should I fall back into an extended sleep she will be right there pinching me to awaken once again.

One Response to Sleeping for 8 Months

  1. gardengirl says:

    Friends are like that aren’t they? And where would we be without them? I know I’d probably be a vetrenarian or lawyer, hell, maybe even a plastic surgeon. Yes, I considered plastic surgery in the 80’s to help burn victims because of all the amazing new technology. Who knoew it would lead to boobs, boobs and more boobs?
    But I had bohemian friends. And friends that “fought the power” and marched and made signs and “sat in” and had protests. Suddenly it was apparent to me that the “establishment” wasn’t the way to go. Why join the corrupt and buy into what they were selling when I could smoke pot and write poetry.
    I traveled (searched) and the more I traveled (searched) the more convinced I was that life was for living free of deadlines and dress codes. I met all kinds of people that proved my theory. We danced all night and slept all day but isn’t that the way it should be? Who could argue with dancing for god’s sake!
    Now here I am looking at 50. Wondering if indeed I’ve lived my life as it should be. Have I wasted my time or cheated the structured, stagnating, life of a corporate money machine? I don’t know. But I do know one thing. I am garden girl! And I do know enouh to know that IS enough. The options in life are there for the taking. Don’t look back, don’t look forward. Just look.

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